i am feeling incredibly hateful and self loathing right now. incredibly. i wish the wind would just pick me up like dorothy and fly me someplace else, someplace better. someplace far away from bullshit, people who are so inconstant and uncaring, away from lost dreams.

give me something to drink. wash my feet. soak me up. dry me down. ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING but this. this is a harsh cruel world and i am ashamed to live in it, be a part of it. everything and everyone are fucked up. i got no idols as ms. hatfield says.

i got no friends either. no love. no sympathy. just hate boiling up in me like hell. so much hate for such a tiny girl. why am i like this. why can't i be happy with the status quo. happiness is not a part of my genetic code. i play the game and lose, i lose my heart and soul and you.